ah crap...

Some times, I don’t understand human relations…I have felt lately a bit left out of some people I care about. Ok its not a bit. They pushed me away with their way. I don’t intrigue them any more, don’t fascinate them anymore, don’t like me anymore don’t know… Maybe they found more shiny things to occupied. Not that I m consider my self as a gold…but sometimes I do shine my self too you know…with my own way as everyone does. Don’t know if I am useful metal either but there is gotta be something on me that they have seen so far… Time changes…and takes with it all the things that I had. What is the fault? Is it me? Is it they? Is it just the way things suppose to happen? Its sad… Yes I can move on, but always this would be a drawback in my mind. And it was fun you know, a breakthrough from my reality, a stairway to solid place of my fantasy if there is such a thing…
Aww, don’t know… I feel sorry for it and I felt like I wanted to write something about it. Yup, human relations cant be explain in 50 or 100 lines, needs mooore than that. But why I have the feeling that is ALL about our personal interest? At the end is all about us, our tiny self and our huge ego. I want to love someone cause I need to… I want to be loved cause I need to, gives me security, satisfies my needs, gives meaning to life… yes its all about us…
Sometimes I consider my self as the altruistic girl that has jumped from a movie…
Sometimes I find my self to become such a bitch… But I try hard to be somewhere in the middle, with emphasis on the first cause I cant easily get rid off my dreamy nature. People hurt you, even your closest ones, even the ones who supposed to love you more…Its in our nature..when we find something better we jump to it and we pass the things we had before. But if the things we had before we consider them as life time things? What if some persons we chose we thought about them like its goanna be forever? No, I ;m not talking about romance here, even if that suites too in that thinking…
Maybe God, or fate or the universe or who knows, wants us to move on. Deliberately
Push us forward, to develop our selves, to make our skin tough, so when we step on the little rocks on the beach we wouldn’t hurt so much….